Thursday, October 1, 2015

A subtle sign of progress

I had one of those "I've come a long way" moments today.....

Every year my work has several flu shot clinics and I always get one because a) I've had the flu and it's miserable, b) the shots are free, c) I don't have time to be sick, and d) I work with college kids who are pretty much germ cesspools.

Anyway, I was filling out the paperwork and got to the "could you be pregnant" line where I could, for the first time in years, confidently check the "no" box knowing that there was no chance that I am pregnant, not even a little one.  And you know what?  I was ok.  In fact I was a bit relieved that I didn't need to have the awkward conversation with a nursing student that I might be pregnant but I probably wasn't.  A year ago it took everything I had to not burst into tears over this stupid question.

I've felt like I haven't been making much progress on my grief lately, like my wheels have been spinning.  I've been feeling restless with life.  But this was a sign of progress, subtle as it was, and I feel good about it.

6 comments:

  1. Also happy for you! This question always used to cause me to go into some long diatribe about how I could be but I'm probably not...it's not unlike what would follow when I say "no" to the question about whether or not I have kids. It is a relief to know that sometimes the word "no" is enough. It's a big step, glad you're acknowledging it!

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    1. Thanks! Sometimes I just need a little reminder that I can do this. :)

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  2. Yay!! A clear and clean marker is so nice to get since so much of grief just feels like muck.

    Although I know it's being able to sit in the dark and ambiguous times that generates progress, that does little to help me in those phases. Definite signs rule.

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    1. It does feel like muck! So much fucking muck. But yes, signs of progress, no matter how subtle, are welcome. :)

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